Alight

Golden Ray by ElenaLight
Golden Ray by ElenaLight via DeviantArt.com

An idea sparking on
Through the hazy
Wavering fog of
Doubt, guilt, darkness
The light, so warm
It consumes me
I am fuel for something
Greater, better
A chemical burning
Phosphorescent
Within the safety
Of his grip
My wicked lust
Fanned by his breath
As he protects the
Flame
With both hands
It is irony
The most simple form
Of God’s humor
That I should be
Held delicately within
His security
Feeling a pleasure
Incomparable
To the dark
Wilderness
I’d stolen away to
Before
He rescued me
But now, watched
Carefully
And protected by
Our bubble
I am free to burn
As his will closes
Around me
Tightly
Healing me
Right down
To my
Scars

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Close, but so far…

TexasToNorthCarolina

Years of searching and waiting

Months of wanting and anticipating

Weeks of planning and worrying

Days of packing and scurrying

Visits kept the fears at bay

As we excitedly ticked away the days

Finally, moving day has arrived

But then, this shit falls from the sky

Again, we want and wait some more

Until the moment you walk through that door

Take my hand and lead me away

To our new life, you smile and say

Where our dreams and goals mesh together

And the world will be infinitely better

Another delay doesn’t change a thing

Because I know what tomorrow will bring

Yes, we are close, but oh so far…

Hey… You could always just hop in a car!

Dedicated to my friend Cinny,
as she waits yet another day
for her Real Deal Hunter,
to come take her away!

Stupid weather. I wish you all the best in the world. And I’m praying for the next flight to remain on schedule!

I need you

Isolation by vpotemkin via DeviantArt.com
Isolation by vpotemkin via DeviantArt.com

Between breaths
When I am broken, raw, and spinning

Between smiles
When I am cut to the quick, not winning

Between moments
When I isolate to sort myself out

Between fixes
When all I want to do is stomp and shout

Between whimpers
When I am just too fucking much for the world

Between heartaches
When I wonder why I can’t just dance and twirl

Between arguments
When I fail to convey the right point

Between looks
When I watch myself disjoint

Between worlds
I am lost, introspective
That is when I need you
Without, I am simply defective.

Sweet Disease

love is a disease by leAlmighty via DeviantArt.com
love is a disease by leAlmighty via DeviantArt.com

It’s an infection no one could understand. She was healthy, capable, and seemingly untouched by illness until one day, she simply couldn’t stand. Her heart seemed to collapse in on itself, and her lungs would not fill completely. She was more sad and lost than she’d ever been before, and her body was deteriorating at an alarming rate.

She sought out specialists and tests, scanning every inch of her body for whatever terrible thing was slowly killing her. Was it a cancer? A parasite? Some sort of virus or infection?

After a while, it seemed she was getting better. Her spirits began to lift with all the attention and affection from her family and friends, and she almost seemed intoxicated with love and joy.

Oddly, those around her seemed affected by her joy, as though it were contagious. When she smiled at others, they could not control their own emotions and would immediately smile back. When she laughed, everyone around her laughed. It was subtle at first, but when nurses, doctors and other patients began flocking to her room to visit the sweet girl… She knew something was definitely going on.

Her fear grew with each new “friend”, and as it did, the feelings in those around her changed as well. Her emotions bloomed in others. Her confusion and fright was mirrored or mimicked in every single person who came near. She realized she had to stay happy, stay pleasant, until she might get some reprieve when she was alone that night. She whispered to her husband to kiss her and tickle her, make her feel loved and cherished so that she might slather those feelings on everyone around her.

It worked for a while, but eventually her ever present tinge of concern crept in. He could not comply with her needs, succumbing to the negative emotions she was emitting, so she told everyone to leave and packed her things. She formulated a plan of escape, and ran away. Isolation seemed the only answer, because she could not bear to be responsible for anyone elses sadness, fear, anger or confusion.

She ran to the ocean, pleading with God to fix her, change her back, remove this sweet disease he’d somehow bestowed upon her. But every time she tested it, it was the same. She could not allow herself to feel anything but happiness around others.

Eventually, she became very skilled at forcing herself to be light and upbeat, and was able to return to her world. Her loved poured over all of those around her. Everyone forgave her absence as quickly as she returned. And for a while, she believed she could possibly live a normal life like that. Coerced joy, however, is very different than the real thing.

At times, negative forces would pull her thoughts and feelings wayward. But she persisted. She would never feed those emotions, and would always, eventually turn things around. Some believed her to be magical. Others thought she was just a gift from God. And a few grew to fear her, as the array of human emotions is not meant to be tampered with.

In the presence of those people, she could not control herself very well, once again causing a negative spiral that wrapped her tightly in an emotive war. An empathetic battle of will. And it broke her.

Her thoughts of self harm radiated from her, but these thoughts did not mimic themselves like her other negative emotions. These thoughts corroded the way her friends and family viewed her. Her self hatred made them hate her, and her suicidal wonderings became murderous intentions in her husband.

She knew she must run away again, but the negativity had breached her health, once again, and she found herself too sick to leave. And too fearful to change her thoughts, emit better feelings, trick herself into being happy.

When he came to her one night, her tears and sadness mirrored in his own eyes, she told him to kill her. She begged him to be done with her. But this only backfired, because she was pleading out of love. His response was to simply love her in return.

In his love, she found peace and devoted herself to loving. As long as she could love, she would free herself from the darkness that would try to drown her and end her.

And so she loved the world.

She looked for it in every sunrise and sunset, she sought after it in every face she saw and hand she shook, she poured it into everything she did and said. And held her other feelings tightly, only letting them spill free when alone with her words.

She found solace in her words and then in the words of others. She found a place where she could paint her world with words, and share them without the pain and suffering of her empathetic gift. It became her sanctuary. An escape from her hiding. Filled with people who understood her, and some who were infected as well. There was still pain to be felt and dealt, but it was just another lesson to learn.

She still suffers from that sweet disease today. She finds ways to live with it, new ways to love every minute. Eventually, she will surely succomb to it. But for now, she’s just that sweet girl who loves everyone and everything in the Universe.

Especially you.

 

Clouded

Cloud Hearts You by daria-zaytseva via DeviantArt.com
Cloud Hearts You by daria-zaytseva via DeviantArt.com

Clouded, By the gifts I’ve given myself.

Clouded, By the unanswered wishes of a little girl.

Clouded, By the rewards of being a sensual, adult woman.

Clouded, By the fire that yearns to consume, completely.

Clouded, By love that is too big to be contained.

Clouded, By a broken heart and it’s infinite rage.

Clouded, By the gifts of life’s blessings, undeserved.

Clouded, By dreams that infect me with their meaning.

Clouded, By my own escape plan, repeatedly.

Clouded, By sweetness that His heart bleeds into mine.

Clouded, By a future that beckons me forward.

Clouded, By the poison that threatens me…

No. Clouded, No more.

Cleared, By the Love that was always meant to be.

The storm holds no threat for me, any longer.

But is it too late?