thirsty

glitter veins by ThisGirlCanHateYou via DeviantArt.com
glitter veins by ThisGirlCanHateYou via DeviantArt.com

greater than the sum
of us, here
something brilliant pulses
a guiding light
a beacon, drawing us together
our home may change
but it was never a place
it is us
in our veins, in our morrow
love is forever
it glitters inside me
as new and magical as
the day you kissed me
and set loose a million
butterflies
in my soul
do you feel it, too?
as life cracks it’s whip
drives us harder, farther, faster
we drink up these
tiny moments
where it is just us
coiled and locked together
as we were made to be
until you are part of me
and I am part of you
thirsty only for
another day
another month
another year
of you
give me another sip
one more, pretty please
I’ll give you forever
for just
one
more

 

 

~~ Happy Birthday, Daddy! ~~

Ordinary Darkness

Everything by psycheanamnesis via DeviantArt.com
There’s a Crack in Everything by psycheanamnesis via DeviantArt.com

the light catches
where the truth hides
fractures in the cold
oppressive world
that let magic seep out
in tiny droplets
missed by so many
but those in the shadows see
for you can find so much
in the dark
without the distraction of
melody and mock joy that
cascades around those
who pitch their eyes to
stare at the sun
instead
find the broken bulbs
glints of pleasure from seeing
beauty
where it has been forgotten
isn’t a rainbow that much more beautiful
because of the storm
it is forced from?
the stars that much more
breathtaking
for the vast darkness they
somehow penetrate?
I think I’m there
somewhere
in the sparks and colors
I may disguise myself
in these layers
of ordinary and plain
but, no
know me
I am brilliance inside this
dreary grey facade
and if you crack the clay
even for an instant
peer through the
darkness
you might see the secrets
the magic inside
see what others
don’t even look for
it may mean nothing
in that moment
but when you find
light
it is yours to hold
to make your own magic
forever

Modify

Rainbow in the dark by Mel Douleur

Every thought strangled

Each hope shattered

Wishes cast into a sky

Too bitterly black

To return them

Where is my chanced

Tomorrow

My dream blurred by

The smudges of

Yesterday’s obligations

I know this is not

Forever

Now is just a piece of sand

In the glass of life

But allow me

My moment

Of disappoint

Because

I long for the winds

Of change

To toss the clutter

Aside

To

Modify this life

And give me

Something new

To dream

I will find the rainbow

Which is precisely

Why I need

To focus

On my

Dark

Sky

Enough

Stride by sivel120001 via DeviantArt.com
Stride by sivel120001 via DeviantArt.com

(Originally posted November 2014)

My fingers press against the cold glass causing the area just around them to fog from my warmth. I’d love to break this glass that tells me I’m not pretty enough, sexy enough, skinny enough… I’d love to break it and cut away this disgusting flesh that makes me feel like I’m not enough. I’d love to bleed away all these feelings of hatred and disgust. I’d like to feel the pain of that instead of the useless pain of self abhorrence.

I stare hard at that bitch who screams inside my head that I’m ugly and useless. I can’t stand her voice, it feels like a hammer breaking bones inside my skull. I can’t listen to her for another single minute.

I press harder on the glass and focus every ounce of my magic on those points of contact. I know I might break the mirror, but the sound of that might be welcome compared to the hurtful abuse going on inside my skull. I push harder and harder until I suddenly begin to feel my fingers permeating the membrane of this plane.

My reflection sees and laughs, taking on that awful voice. “Whatcha gonna do, baby doll? Do you think you can come through here and shut me up? God, you are dense.”

I wonder if I’m strong enough. Can I truly breech reality? Can I go through this glass? Is this possible?

Her abuse begins anew, from the other side of that force field, and I don’t even care if this is insane and I’ve had some sort of mental break. I am going to shut her up. I am going to make her stop or I’m going to kill her.

My arm slips in and she backs up, laughing harder until my grip finds her wrist and I pull, hard.

Her face slams into the glass, and I find this incredibly amusing, since my arm is literally reaching through this completely impermeable surface. I do it again twice, giggling at the shock in her expression. She tries to yank her hand from my grasp, but only succeeds in pulling me further in. I lift my other hand to brace myself from smacking my own face on the glass, but then those fingers begin to slip through the surface as well.

I yank her toward me again, and punch her hard in the face. She bounces back, but not out of my grip, and blood begins to gush from her nose. It was a surprisingly square hit, given the awkwardness of this fight, but I do it again before she recovers her wit and starts to fight me.

She captures both of my hands and yanks me into the glass, but it is not solid for me, and my upper body slips into the reflection as if it were another room.

At this point, I realize I am clearly crazy and decide to just pummel that wicked whore to death on the other side. As I lunge toward her, she lands a good punch to my throat, knocking the wind out of me, and I fall back into my own bathroom, wheezing and lifting my bloody hand to my throat. I can smell the acrid tinge and wonder for a moment if this might actually be real. Am I fighting the bitch in the mirror.

I stand and stare at her, blood pouring from her broken nose down her chin onto my favorite blouse. “You’re ruining my shirt.”

The shock in her eyes is disarming, as she stares at my chest, and when I look down, it is clear why. I am bleeding too, and I reach up to feel my own broken nose, even though she never landed a punch anywhere but my neck. Realization dawns on us both, as she too is holding her own throat and wheezing. If we fight each other long enough, I will rip apart.

I stand and wonder if I could do that. Kill myself to silence the hate. Cause myself the greatest pain in order to end all pain.

I lean down against the vanity on my elbows and revel in the silence of her contemplating my ability to end my own life in order to end her. My blood drips into the sink but then suddenly stops, and as I stand upright and look at my reflection again, I see that nothing has happened. It wasn’t real. But one tiny drop of blood remains, on the edge of the sink, daunting me.

A reminder? I can beat myself senseless over the reflection in the mirror. I can beat myself to death, if I’m not careful.

I look again at the girl in that glass. A sight that normally fills me with ‘not enoughs’. Because I will forever be not pretty enough or sexy enough or thin enough or smart enough or sweet enough or good enough… This time, the girl I see is just enough.

Enough to keep me from pummeling myself to death.

That girl in the reflection, that girl who plenty of people DO think is enough… Maybe it’s time she accepted that perfection is unattainable. And that today, at least today, I am enough.

Selective Focus

Deadly Siren Black & White by temariataje via DeviantArt.com
Deadly Siren Black & White by temariataje via DeviantArt.com

the big picture isn’t
always as important
as it seems
perception can be
narrowed
objection negotiated
because what’s in front
is what’s important
be present in the
present
hold the face of
destiny
and tell him
he is everything
feel the ferocity
of his response
because every man
needs to feel
that
we are the roles we play
he is my Captain
I am his mermaid
an ocean of truth
can’t change
my focus
because the future
is just us
alone in our ship
and even if
he is wrapped around
my finger
I am wrapped
around
his bow

Return

A Life in a Boat by onixa via DeviantArt.com

Not a boat, but a ship

Regal in your extravagance

Yet promising humble

Adventures

With each vowed sunrise

Glide through my waters

Where nothing

But pleasure

Hides beneath

Tame the storm that threatens

In the distance

And find a home

Within our eternal

Voyage

Render me soft as bathwater

As smooth as glass

When you plunge your way

To my depths

Take me

Dominate my seas

Float in bliss

Off my shores

Grant me only one thing

In exchange for my

Surrender

Return

To take me

Over

And

Over

As long as the sky remains

Above us

And your heart

Bound

To mine

Hold On

I’ll never let you go by pippimuckel via DeviantArt.com

the world will never
stop spinning
but the drug of your touch
the courage of your will
might anchor me
enough
keep my soul
from being pulled into
those dark clouds
let my toes find the sand
my fingers tangle the sheets
burn my breath away
with the fire of your kiss
you cannot create
happiness
but want me
love me
need me
enough
and you may calm the
storms that carry me
away
help me find order
within our perpetual chaos
show me
that normalcy
can be vibrant
hold me tight without clinging
know that I am
here
because of your playful
touches and your
brilliant mind
your gaze that elicits
effervescent joy
from somewhere inside
that I cannot name
your delicious kisses
and strong, warm arms
your level patience
and deep, willful
want
for only that which would
hold us all up
safe above the
cost to your own desires
I am yours
because you let me be
and tonight
hold onto me
I will show you
gratitude beyond dreams
for this reality
is better
than any
fantasy