Crossing

https://www.deviantart.com/art/Crossing-659868720

Beyond the dark

The edge of the forgotten

I continue on… over… past…

Crossing the withering stream

Of my ambition

I find the other side looks

No different

My precious words

Sunk like pebbles in the

Black abyss below

Shall I dive in?

Collect them and save them

From what?

There will be more, they say

You will find them again, they say

Your time will come

They say

But the dark water below

Holds onto all my secrets

All my plans and dreams and hopes

All my lies and defeat and guilt

All my inspiration

All my intangible love

Maybe I’m too scared

To do anything

But cross

Maybe this bridge is only that

Part of my path

And stepping off is simply

Walking into the future

But oh, how the sun rises

At my back

The side I came from

Lit by the magic and beauty

Of everything I used to be

Don’t look back

Just cross

Trust

That everything

Has it’s time

And the sun that rises

Also

Sets

Advertisements

One Year

The air is the same
The sky hasn’t changed
The ground beneath my feet
Is just as solid
But everything is different

A tiny babe has grown
Into a gorgeous toddler
A job that bored me to tears
Has undergone metamorphosis
A love turned to hate turned to ash
Is now abandoned indifference

Friendships have waned and grown
My consummate struggle
The inability to be a proper friend

Family has ebbed into simplistic living
Sharing space in respectful admiration
Where conflict does not reside

Future is now my joy to imagine
With a heart fuller and brighter
Than I ever could have dreamed
Glowing with the magical light
Of a five hour sunrise

One year
Post apocalypse

One year
Balancing the blades I honed for myself

One year
Seeking and finding sweet Melissa

Nothing in life is perfect

But perfection
Can only
Be born
From
Time

And

Patience

 

 

 

http://thereveriejournal.com/2015/09/28/whats-in-a-year/

The wild

The wildness presses itself against every pore on my body. The inside, desperate to extrude itself.

To introduce itself to the world.
To be known, felt, seen.
To thrash about in the foreign openness.

Learning to breath.
Learning to walk.
Learning to live.

Tired of being taken out and stuffed back in over and over. The wild, in seeking freedom, is taking over.

It manipulates my very sight and breath, taste and hearing, letting me feel the world anew in every waking hour.

How have I lived for so long without ever truly quenching my thirst, sating my hunger, hearing the ever present truth, or touching…

Really touching?
Being touched?
Feeling what it is to be touched?

Obsessed with the attention, never paid properly, I’m impatient for the sensation of being the object of desire.
The wildness knows.

And as it threatens complete devastation in order to be free,

I no longer fear the uncertainty of that freedom. But I clutch at what I know, overwhelmed with the chaos of emotion roiling within me.

I cling to the present, ignoring the numbness of the past, and hiding from the knowledge that the wild within me is installing directly into my spirit.

I hide from him, because it’s habit.
I hide from them, because it’s natural.
I hide from you, because. . .

The wild awoke beneath your stare, the beast became within this creation I built for you, the inside turned outside purely because of your presence.

And as I cling to the covers, hiding from the dark and begging the light to return, like the scared little girl I’ve always been, I simply do not know how to stop.

Instinctually, I hide.

From my wild.

But still, I call to the beast within…

Everything and Nothing

Everything's Possible by karfozy via DeviantArt.com
Everything’s Possible by karfozy via DeviantArt.com

The battle wages within.

She is a champion, driven and dependable. The heart of an empath.  The blood of a warrior. The mind of a scholar. The smile of an angel.

But inside, she is a failure. A fraud. A broken down actress who fakes it because she doesn’t know any other way.

She is everything. Yet… She is nothing.

Do you see her there? Pushing herself in every attempt to attain perfection. Striving constantly to one up herself.

Do you understand what it takes to persist without persistence, to subsist without sustenance?

She is everything. No. She is nothing.

He sees her. Watching her struggles and successes. He is proud of her, regardless of her endeavor or its outcome.

But she is blind to his adoration and deaf to his respect. She can only feel her own isolation. She cannot be taught.

She is everything. But, she is nothing.

Until… He makes her see. He makes her feel. He makes her learn.

The world shrinks and life seems manageable. The darkness doesn’t seem so black and the lightness isn’t so blindingly bright.

She learns of respect, worth and hope. She finds peace in the corners she once ignored. And finally, basking in the warmth of self actualization… She is the sunset and the sunrise.

She does not have to be everything.

She was never, ever nothing.