Safe Harbor

I need a place
Firm floors and soft edges
A structure of steel
Draped in pillows and blankets
Warmed by the sun
Shimmering in the dark
With the promise
The one promise
That no one
Has ever made.

I need a place
A safe harbor

Where I can fall apart
No one else’s needs to meet
No demands
Of time or wit or ability
No decisions to make
No bedtimes, screen-times, mealtimes
No downtime
Never any requirements
Of my mind
Of my eyes
Of my voice
Only my flesh

I need a place
A safe harbor

My blanket fort
Your sofa
A mattress
Or futon
Or backseat
It isn’t the location
It’s the mindset
It’s your attitude
It’s a command
Bend over, feel, break, cry…
Come, baby girl, again

I need a place
A safe harbor

Where I can beg to be
Broken
Ruined
Freed
Until all that is left
Is the calm eye of the hurricane
The center of the
Storm
That is my life
All that is left
Is me

I need a place
A safe harbor

Where pain isn’t frightening
But comforting
Where the tangled
Unruly web
Of this world
Looks like silly string
Dirt is just fairy dust
Piles of laundry are pillows, or even clouds
The disarray is simply magic

I need a place
A safe harbor
Where the sobs
That escape my chest
Aren’t fruitless cries to an empty shower
Never meaningless
But instead
They are music
A sonnet leading to a symphony
Of laughter and bliss
A concert
For one

I need a place
I need to fall apart
I need to be taken apart
I need that impossible promise

Daddy

I need
Your
Safe harbor.

Vindication

The closed fist of accusation is unable to think, feel or hear.

Specifically if it is wrapped in a glove of fear and regret.

But here I stand, with open hands, open eyes, an open heart,

Listening and breathing and knowing.

There is nothing wrong with me.

I am simply me. As I’ve always been. And always will be.

Self aware, and becoming more so every day.

My insecurities have very few answers.

But my will to be whole in the face of unmet needs

Sits atop my own deviance and smiles.

I seek the impossible, because the word says, I’m Possible.

But as the possibilities work themselves out,

I pour sand in the holes with these words.

And dream of a future beneath them.