Tag: surrender

Hiding

image

She stands in the hall, unseen, unheard.
Like a child. Frightened with no reason. Intimidated by no-one but herself. Swallowing back tears and trying, painfully, to somehow stuff down the fear.

He sits, still and silent. He knows she’s there, just out of sight. He wishes he had whatever it is she needs to open up and let him see.

If he goes to her though, she will run. She will smile and pretend. He knows her. He’s seen her do it a thousand times. He understands why she locks herself in a bottle, because he does it as well.

If he pushes, the cork will become wedged, and nothing will budge it until the pressure becomes too much. Only downward force could change that.

He knows that’s exactly what she’d like him to do. To drill out the cork, smash her bottle, force her open. But, he cannot bring himself to break her.

She needs to open on her own. To release the cork from within. To surrender without coercion.

He watches quietly as she rounds the corner. She glances up at him, making her way quickly into the room, but pulling her gaze down as she kneels before him, and lays her cheek on his knee.

He sits for a moment, wishing he had all the answers, wondering if he’ll ever understand his girl. His sweet wife.

Remembering her need for his touch, his hand lifts to stroke her and his fingers slip into her silky tresses.

She sighs, and her body relaxes. He moves his other hand to shift her so he might see her face. As he does, he watches a tear escape and brushes it away with his thumb.

He stares at her and she gazes up at him, into his eyes. She remains mute, but he knows. He sees her.

“Thank you for not hiding,” he whispers as his fingers weave through her hair.

She exhales slowly, and her eyes clear.

Perhaps this is all she needed.

His patience will help her find her voice. They are, after all, the same bottle. Just with different contents.

Undoubtedly, he will find a way to return her true smile. His way. He knows her, knows what’s under the cork. He sees her, even if the glass is cloudy.

He feels her surrender. And eventually, he will find a way to properly use it. To combine the contents of their bottles. To become one.

He’s sure that is what she wants more than anything. To be part of a whole, to be part of him.

If she can stop hiding, so can he. And perhaps he can break both of their bottles, permanently.

Impossible

lost_in_lethe_by_mkaphotography-d72q42t[1]
Lost in Lethe by mkaphotography via DeviantArt.com

“I’m sure he’s the answer.”
“The answer to what?”
“My questions.”
“To the questions you didn’t understand.”
“I still don’t.”
“Then how can you be sure?”
“How can we be sure of anything?”
“That sounds like something he would say.”
“…You infected me with this. You made me start all this. Why?”
“Because you want it, need it. Next, you’re going to ask why life isn’t fair.”
“No… but why is life so limited? Why are our mistakes so heavy? Why are our successes so fleeting?”
“You ask the best questions, dear child.”
“I thought he was the answer. To all of them.”
“You want him to be. But the answers are in the questions.”
“Why are you here again? Why do you haunt my dreams?”
“Always more questions. If you would just surrender–”
“I don’t know how. I can’t ‘surrender’. I want to quit.”
“I know you do, sweet child. That is why I’m here.”
“Just let go. Just leave me.”
“Not until you see what I see, what he sees, what everyone sees…”
“Don’t talk about my magic. It’s not real.”
“But it is. You believed for a moment, and look what you created?”
“A mess.”
“No, little girl. Life. Joy. Strength. Renewal. Use that magic to free yourself as you have others.”
“I’m too afraid.”
“I thought you learned this lesson. Have hope. Find hope and cling to it. Hope destroys fear.”
“Hope that I’ll figure out how to let go of my dreams?”
“If you surrender, you won’t have to let go of your dreams.”
“He doesn’t want my surrender.”
“Have you asked him?”
“This is impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible.”
“Plenty is impossible.”
“The things you think are impossible, dear one, are the ones most worth fighting for.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“I’ve told you repeatedly. It took a note from a stranger to make you listen… to make you see.”
“What if I’m not capable? What if my will is too strong?”
“It isn’t.”
“What if my desire is too strong?”
“It isn’t.”
“I wish you would tell me exactly what to do.”
“I am. I have been, pretty girl. You are confusing yourself.”
“You confused me… I’m still confused… The forms you choose confuse me.”
“You choose the vessel. I am simply a part of you. …You are confused because you continue to argue, to struggle against what you want more than anything.”
“Why do I struggle against myself?”
“If you could answer that question and stop, you would find peace. In surrender.”
“I don’t know…”
“Nothing is impossible, sweet girl. The word itself says I’m Possible. Believe in yourself the way the world believes in you, and you will find all the answers to all the questions.

“They are right inside of you!”

Recognition

don__t_miss_you_at_all_by_antek_pyra
don’t miss you at all by Antek Pyra via DeviantArt.com

“It hurts…”
“What hurts, dear one?”
“Longing.”
“That’s not pain, that’s desire.”
“Waiting.”
“That’s not pain either, impatient girl.”
“Not helping…”
“Ah, yes. Your personal brand of pain. Your love is so strong.”
“It really hurts.”
“Stop doing that to yourself.”
“Why are you here again?”
“Because, you’re reading.”
“I’m learning, not quitting…”
“Yes, you are learning. You are also seeing.”
“You want me to stop?”
“Not at all… I still want you to surrender.”
“To Him?”
“Your love makes it about him.”
“I still don’t know how.”
“Read what you wrote, all those years ago. You gave yourself the keys.”
“It WAS prescient?!”
“I told you that you were magical.”
“But, I’m not strong enough.”
“You are. You know you are. But you are still afraid.”
“I’m afraid that I’m changing too much, that I can’t be what he needs.”
“You aren’t changing. You are recognizing.”
“Recognition hurts?”
“You make it hurt. You want it to hurt.”
“Because I know hurt…”
“Hurting yourself is the wrong kind of pain.”
“I know… I’d like to quit that.”
“Yes! Because you are strong. You recognize the difference between that hurt, and the pain you truly desire.”
“I want more than personal strength, though. I want to be valuable.”
“Valuable to whom?”
“Someone who sees me for who I am.”
“You are, sweet girl. I recognize you.”
“You want me to surrender, completely… I don’t know how.”
“Then keep reading. Keep seeing. Keep learning. Keep growing.”
“And if it hurts?”
“Show it to him. He will help you.”
“Why should he?”
“Because it’s his job.”
“Is it? I’m not sure…”
“Shouldn’t he decide that? Shouldn’t that be his to control?”
“Oh… That is surrendering…”
“Completely.”